Saturday, November 16, 2013

Finding Beauty

Wow, looking at this screen and I see that it's been 6 months since I've sat down and put my thoughts and feelings out there. I often forget that I have this thing that I love to do, and that is so cathartic, therapeutic, liberating.

I wanted to share with you a little experiment I've been working on in my life. Maybe you'll give it a go to, it's been great for me.

A few years back, maybe 6 now, I went through some INTENSE therapy because I needed to purge some awful beliefs I had about myself, so in that process I decided that the sun will shine out of my ass, and that I would become LOVE. Whenever, wherever I could, just be love, see love, find love in every corner of my life. I was stuck in a deep and dark hole, and I had to dig my way out. I have been looking for the love, finding the love and when I can being the love, and here I am 6 years later living in the sunshine state… coincidence… I think not!

At first it was really difficult to find it in my love so I people watched, my nephew Jasper was born, watching my sister become a mama was such a beautiful thing to see, that little being changed her life immeasurably for the good, he was so pure and sweet, beauty beyond measure. From then it got a little easier, changing my perspective, how I looked at the world around me, it changed the way I interacted with people around me, and eventually the way I had conversations with myself. YES I talk to myself! don't you? pump yourself up to have a conversation your dreading, talk yourself into going for that jog that you don't wanna do now but that you know will make you feel a million times better when it's over, and my most common convo "put down the cheeseburger burger Jewls, it's no good for you"

So this weekend I finally realized that I hadn't done this exercise in a while, and I needed a good reminder of the love and beauty that surrounds me. So I set my intention, on the train Friday evening, heading into the city to meet my favourite guy for a date night. "I will consciously look for the beauty in my life" It's amazing what you find when your looking for it! a couple having dinner, and the subtle hand holding under the table, as though just for them, but I had a sneak peak of their affections! My lovely man, braving the packed salsa dance floor just for me, and once we were dancing, no one else was there, just us. My son, splashing in the pool, saying with pride, "mama did you see me! I can do it all my by self" yes he really says it backwards, and I don't correct him because it's so damn cute! My wee little man just chilling by himself in the soft rain, twirling a leaf between his fingers, and giggling at his daddy doing a cannon ball, and splashing all the way onto the deck where he's sitting. My friend threw a stellar Pirate birthday party for her 3 year old and her partner, and she got right into it, with the pirate accent, all the kids were captivated, that's one birthday party that little girl will remember forever, how her mummy made her feel so special on her birthday. My girlfriend's daughter is quite shy but last night I scored a cuddle AND a fishy kiss! Ryan and I were putting the boys to bed, and Jacob reading books to Levi, a very proud moment for Ryan and I. They really love each other! And now, early morning cuppa joe in silence, only the tapping on the keyboard, and the birds in the garden. the hummmmmmm, stillness, beauty.
Let's be real for a minute, life isn't all sunshine, unicorns, and rainbows, it can be fucking frustrating sometimes, after telling the boy 5 times, "stop throwing things" and he trows it again, and pegs you in the head and I just want to loose my shit on him. Some days I hate the sound of my own voice, and wish I could take a vow of silence. My life is FAR from perfect and peaceful, but conciously finding the simple beautiful things, and allowing those moments to overshadow the craptastic ones makes life so much easier, I'm so much more relaxed, and I think I am a better mama and a better person for it.

Life is good folks, you just have to go out and look for it, go out and find it, I promise you won't be disappointed

so there's my two cents for the day! have an awesome Saturday, I hope the day is as sunny and beautiful for you as it was for me.

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful Jewls, I love the way you write straight from the heart!! So often you bring tears to my eyes. You have a gift girl!.