Sunday, April 29, 2012

The Final Countdown

It is April 29th, which leaves T minus 5 sleeps until my due date, but remember that Jake was 9 days overdue so 14 more sleeps??? so really? when do you start the count down? you never know, could be today, count be in 7 more, the unknown.... This is the Karmic debt I pay for sneaking around, pre-opening Christmas gifts and then re-wrapping them. this is the kind of gift you can't pre-open, just for one tiny peek, and then put it back. Oh the anticipation!

From my last entry to now, I think I'm better prepared for what's coming. But really, your never really prepared for how a tiny baby changes your life, but I have finally started nesting, that's a good sign I suppose! I have been driving myself bonkers trying to sew these curtains for the baby's room, and then I realized I had enough fabric to make some for Jake's room, and now that I'm SOOOO close to being done, I realize that they are too short! so yesterday I waddled out to Fabricland to pick up some more fabric to add a plain panel at the bottom. My poor little sausage toes, I don't the could get any fatter!, walking around a mall, and then sitting at this bar height table the chair hits my legs at the perfect pressure point and cuts the circulation off and thus... the purple piggies! That and my obsession with McDonald's soft serve ice cream! can't get enough! Speaking of which, my wonderful husband just walked in with some soft serve, and... the necessary items for his nesting! He has been installing shelving in the basement closets, cleaning out the garage, putting things back into the basement storage spaces, making numerous trips to Rona because he got the wrong size of shelf, or he forgot something small. we're focused and driven to get these things done, yet distracted and forgetting small details. Even Jake is nesting in his own way. Trying to assert control when ever and where ever he can. When he naps, or doesn't nap, when he eats, what he eats, and whether he wears clothes outside, every response seems to be "no no no" As strange as it sounds, I'm glad I have so many distractions to keep me from watching the clock and agonizing over every day that passes without going into labour. I'm thankful for every day that passes. Another day to devote to my little man, more un-inturrupted snuggles with the boy, another good night's sleep, another day to eat guilt free soft serve!
what's a few more days? I'll take em'!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

getting closer

so as of today I am 36 weeks pregnant... that is crazy and so scary, time flys too fast. It's funny how my perspective this pregnancy has changed drastically from the first.

In my pregnancy with Jacob I was begging for him to come early, I had waited many long years to be a mother, and I was on the cusp of having that dream come true and I didn't want to wait. after 36 weeks I told him "any time now little boy, any time" oh how my tune has changed.

 I don't like the rate at which I have grown, the difference in speed that my son can run vs how fast I can respond to those running legs, and how our due date of May 4th has quickly approached.
Only 4 weeks left.
Only 4 more weeks of restful un-interrupted sleep, 4 more weeks of consistency for my boy,  4 more weeks to devote to showing Jake that he is and always will be my boy, my heart, my sunshine, my most proudest accomplishment to date. That in itself seems like a daunting task.

On top of all that I have a baby room to set up and decorate so that this new addition feels like it has it's own place on our home, that he or she belongs. I have curtains to sew, a few small paintings to paint, some pictures to put up, and figure out a place for he or she to sleep, Jake has not shown me that he's ready to give up his crib. As a matter of fact, he LOVES his crib. I'm afraid to change things for him, afraid to ruin his awesome sleeping, afraid to make him grow up too fast, and I think it's a small case of me being too cheap to buy another crib.
Am I being cheap?

Anyway, this ticking time bomb keeps ticking and I wonder "how will I survive this feeling of "I'm cheating on my kid with a new baby" How will I love someone else as much as I love him? How does any mother survive this?" and then I remember that I am human, we adapt and change as needed, and I know that my heart has a great capacity for love, I will make room, that's how I will survive, just do it!

Anyway, that is one side of the coin of my feelings, now the other side isn't so nice. I'm just going to put it out there that I am pregnant, hormonal, and I felt the same way in my first pregnancy, and I got over it, but it's my blog so dammit I'm gonna unload a little, so if you don't want to hear it... adios amigos, here is your cue to log off... you've been warned

So people piss me off. All kinds of people. My family members, friends, random strangers in line in front of me at the Starbucks drive thru. Don't they know I'm in a rush? make up your mind! If I didn't have a toddler and this large watermelon I'm heaving in and out of the car, I'd just go in but it's too much work at this point so make up your damn mind! and really that's the jest of my rant here. People are SO wishy washy about so many things that they shouldn't.