Let me take you back for a minute....
well maybe 5 because I'm long winded!
We had just had an ultrasound, the ultrasound that VERY overdue women get, just to make sure everything in there is still ok, and that you can carry on being HUGE for another week. I secretly wanted everything to be fine so I could continue being pregnant so I didn't have to make any decisions, so I could just hopefully let nature take it's course, and let my body do it's birthing in it's own time. Unfortunately I had low fluids so I was forced to make choices.
" you need to have this baby in the next 24 hrs or so, so you and the husband have some choices to consider"
I hate deciding what to make for dinner, what makes you think I want to make important decisions like this one. Don't get me wrong, I like being in charge most of the time, but I was so afraid that no matter what I chose, the end result would be the same.
" behind curtain number one... a nasty tasting witch potion that throws you into labour and we'll see how you do! OR curtain number two (other un pleasant things to make labour start that don't need to be mentioned, EEEEWWWWWW!) , OR curtain number 3 a long recovery C-Section.
We chose curtain number one! ...... and then eventually had to choose curtain number 3. But I was wrong in assuming it would be the same outcome as Jacob's scary birth. This C-Section was GREAT! I was calm, Ryan was holding my hand, the anesthesiologist was cracking jokes with us, it was a light happy moment, and then I got the surprise of my life!
Surgeon~ "Oh look! HE'S peeing on you!"
Me" WHAT??? It's a BOY???"
anesthesiologist "HA, your in trouble!"
I was all prepared for my Georgia Anne, but we got a sweet Levi Erik instead.
As a mother you would think that I should take the role of teacher, leader, but he teaches me about kindness, fearlessness and forgiveness every day. He reminds me to not get so caught up in the how or why's of life, and just BE. Children are simple, in the best kind of way. He does what he wants and needs, in his own time. He is quick to forgive, forget the wrong doing, and move on to what ever makes him happy, like playing in mama's lime tree pot. rolling the wet soil in his fingers, tasting it. Ahhhh life is simple and life is good for a one year old, and I'm sad to be watching it all unfold so fast. Before long he'll be telling me to go away, stop kissing me mama, or breaking my planters, just to see if he can make me loose my shit.
Why and how do they go from being so sweet, to being these little devils who push and push and frustrate you, make you want to shave your head and get a stupid tattoo and re-live the days of being an irresponsible asshole who thought that somewhere there were people who wanted carry me on a daybed through the streets like Cleopatra. WOW what the fuck was I thinking right! what a nutter I was!
So Levi... if you are reading this down the road, and you're all grown up, a few things I would like to say to you: I love you fiercely. You are a boy, you are a Holmes boy, and you are my son, so I'm sure you'll get yourself into plenty of trouble, but here's the important part, keep that spirit of the gentle, determined, sweet bubby with you. Don't leave this part of you in the dust, take him with you, or else I'll slap you! hehehe just kidding
Happy birthday my little dude, mama loves you
TO THE MOON!
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| the first time I layed eyes on you, I fell in love! |
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| Wacky mama and her boys! |
